Fat head, fat ass

This will shock everyone, but I've started a detox...AGAIN. This time I am sure I do NOT need help to keep motivated since I've been feeling so horrible. Before my hubby left for deployment I was completely apathetic to Paleo and our previous lifestyle that all turned for the worst. Bread became handy. Cake completed me.

I have a terrible sweet tooth and am addicted to cakes, cookies, brownies...anything that may be pastry like or resemble a sweet. Did I mention chocolate candy? Not only did I feel terrible inside but I was sluggish and lazy at the gym.

I decided to take the bull by the horns and slaughter the big ass, which was turning me into a big ass. No competition this time, it's just with myself.

And this is the worst part. I looked at pictures of myself when I began my first competition, The Zone, back in January of 2010.

The verdict: THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE.

The pictures I took of myself today versus the ones 16 months ago look the same. How terribly sad.

Armed with my Everyday Paleo cookbook I will conquer this life. But Angela, you say, why should this be inspiring NOW, when, back in November you were so strong-willed and confident with your change to Paleo? I will tell you the answer: Stress. I need to find a way to control my thoughtless food choices, including the food wine that feeds my soul. I was going back and forth, on a see-saw of "Life's too short!" and "Do you want to feel like crap?"

The pictures I compared today are just the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately I have no pictures of me before and after my Paleo journey in the fall of 2010. And, alas, I do not have the guts to post the pictures I took today. This competition is for myself alone. I want to see the change, not just feel it.

Chocolate Zucchini Muffins

Yesterday I did some much needed therapeutic baking. The only real control I have over my life right now is how I eat, and I need to get back on track with Paleo. I have made these muffins before, but I tweaked the recipe a bit yesterday and they turned out amazing. Great for breakfast or snack, save some or you may eat them all in one sitting.

The original recipe calls for grapeseed oil and chocolate chips (73%). If you didn't want to use any chips I am sure substituting your nut of choice would be just as tasty.

Chocolate Zucchini Muffins adapted from Elana's Pantry

1/4 c coconut flour

1/4 tsp sea salt

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

2 eggs

1/4 c evoo

1/4 c agave nectar

1 1/2 c shredded zucchini

1/2 c carob chips

Oil your mini-muffin tin and preheat the oven to 350°. Mix the flour, salt, baking soda and cinnamon in a bowl and set aside. Mix the eggs, oil, agave, and zucchini together. Stir wet and dry ingredients together until well mixed and add the chips. Pour approximately one tablespoon of batter into each muffin cup. Bake for 18-22 minutes. Makes exactly 24 mini-muffins.

To all my lady friends

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1359325/Gwyneth-Paltrows-skinny-figure-Men-turned-skeletal-chic.html

GOD BLESS HIM!!!

Happiness

Today we did a 2K row and a 1 mile run. I am terrible at rowing, have watched a few videos online, but I still can't get the technique down great. Needless to say, I rowed a 10.0 min flat. And that was pulling hard every count of 5 or so.

The awesome news is that my mile was fantastic!

8:27

I have NEVER run that fast!!!! Even months ago I ran a 9:17, so that is 50 seconds off my time. I'm pretty stoked!!!

Yep

Just to be clear...I did two hard core days of Whole30 and gave into the temptation of wine. And chocolate. And a million other things that make life worth living. I will begin again, soon, because I really can't take much more of feeling like crap, since I'm eating crap...you get the picture. Shawn leaves soon for training and I think that's when I'll start. I just can't wrap my head around it right now. Just wanted to make sure for all you folks out there who thought I was made of steal...not so much.

Ha.

Golden Orange Scones

On Day 2 of my newest Whole30, I grabbed my newest favorite thing, The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook and got to work. These scones are adapted from Elana's Orange Apricot Scones.

3 cups blanched almond flour

1/4 tsp sea salt

3/4 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1/8 c evoo

1/8 c apple sauce + 3 T apple sauce

3 large eggs

1/2 c golden raisins

1/4 c freshly squeezed orange juice

1 T orange zest

Preheat oven to 350°. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

In a large bowl, sift together the first 5 ingredients (to nutmeg).

In a blender, combine the remaining ingredients and process for about 30 seconds.

Stir the wet into the dry until thoroughly combined. Drop batter by 1/4 c 2 inches apart onto prepared sheets.

Bake for approx 20 minutes, checking after 15.

CrossFit Total

The CrossFit Total is the sum of the best of three attempts at the squat, the press, and the deadlift. The first attempt would be a weight you know you can do for a heavy set of three. The second attempt would be a weight you know without any doubt that you could do for a single, having just done the first attempt. And the third attempt is the weight you want to do, based on your performance on the previous two attempts. -Mark Rippetoe

Basically, you max out your weight with the three movements mentioned above.

Shoulder press is my worst move, since my upper body is weaker than my lower body. My max today: 80#. PR’d 15#

Deadlift, deadlift, deadlift. I’ve been beating myself up lately about body weight deadlifts. One Saturday in the near past, I tried the prescribed weight (body weight) and got through 2 sets of 14 before I felt I should drop weight because my back felt tight. Ten pounds off and it was better. And I felt like a wimp. The WOD took me 10 minutes longer than everyone else, and I had to drop weight. When finished, I went to the bathroom and cried. Nice.

Deadlift max today: 205#. PR’d 40#

Without encouragement from my fellow Crossfitters I never would have even imagined I could’ve tried 205. Thank you Tonya, Ed, and Meri!

Back squat. Out of the three moves today, I feel this is my best. Again, with the weight. Once the numbers get above 150, I start to freak out. It’s all in my head, but I exponentially concerned with looking like a fool...or worse, hurting myself for being stupid. It was okay, no injuries.

BS max today: 170#. PR’d 45# (I think).

With 455# today and my body weight, I am between intermediate and advanced. Wahoo!! Thank you CrossFit Rio Rancho!

The Truth Is Out There

On the eve of 2010 I had a fearful symmetry with a group I loved and released myself from said group. I didn’t know myself and had become a scary monster. To end game the ghost in the machine, I wrote. Feeling closure, the fire left me as did the bad blood. All the signs and wonders in the beginning of 2011 made me face the grotesque details of the past year.

void

where once a heartbeat joined and sure;

one breath off, insecure.

where is the drum, once so loud?

yonder yet, beyond the bounds;

Behold! the heart in the mist!

left by wolves to loneliness

can it sustain life on it’s own?

without ears, does it drum?

this one heart, who’s left to hear?

whisper, whisper-- thundering ears!

cloaked by sorrow, life remains,

who remarks with kindness feigned?

Wait! I am solid, I feel the throb!

it is MY heart, is it not?

shadows move, the mist is lifting!

I remain. apart and drifting

where once my heart did beat alone

in tune with all, a blessed stone

left aside to be heard by none

what once was known is now undone.

(Written in Sept, 2009)

I now feel no shadows when darkness falls or am sleepless with revelations. I am the pusher of myself. I have shed my demons and the unusual suspects. I have detoured into life, the red and the black, and come out from underneath young at heart. Life is irresistible and within the existence of all things there are millions of sunshine days. Be your own first person shooter. Find your zero sum. Be the drive. There is no void.

A Piece for some Peace

Watching “The Muppet's Christmas Carol” last night and listening to Kermit sing, I realized there are only 12 sleeps til Christmas. I don’t even really remember September. We’ve been eating mostly clean, except for the glasses of wine on weeknights, occasional cookies and/or piece of pie. Every weekend has been booked with parties (more wine) and these coming ones won’t be any less hectic. We leave Saturday for our Christmas trip to the other side of the country, via two other states, and I am starting to fray.

Trying to have serious conversations with myself about this doesn’t help, since my kids keep asking me who I am talking to. So, I decided to write ideas down.

Kill the WODs.

Try and make a sweat angel on the ground after every workout of the day. Whether you are traveling or family comes to you, it’s easy to let go of the box. Stay on the path! Even if you don’t hit it everyday like you usually would, hit it as hard as you can when you go. You’ll keep your piece of mind over the piece of pie!

Drink and Be Merry.

Increase your water intake. If you are like me and have eaten some cookies, you need more water. Most Americans can’t tell the difference between thirst and hunger, and with lots of cocktail parties, you might need a hydration check.

No “coffee and cake” time.

Try not to drink any caffeine after noon, but if you must, to please your grandmother who likes coffee after dinner, make it decaf. You will look much better for the family photos and be full of yule-tide cheer with more hours of rest. Also, choose your dessert well. Make sure it was made with love and you will savor every morsel before you put it in your mouth. And, p.s., pillsbury dough cookies are NOT eye-rolling, sigh-filled, melt-in-your-mouth cookies. Let your fingers walk right on by those.

Bask.

Amid the packing for the flight, wrapping Santa gifts, or shopping for ANOTHER pair of tights for your daughter... just stop. Take a walk and remark on the beauty of winter where you live or are visiting. Breathe deep the frigid air and let the escaping air take all the holiday frenzy with it. Remember what the season is all about...love, being together, faith. And even if your baby girl does tear yet another hole in those tights from playing too hard, she’ll have you there to kiss the tears away. What better present can there be?

A Different New Mexico Green

My hubby purchased a huge bag of limes from Costco and I have been wondering how to use them. We love Key Lime Pie, but I am a little baked out and don't feel like blanching almonds and what-not to make pie. This week I need easy!

I came across a "Green Lemonade" recipe on Elana's Pantry, an amazing site! This morning I thought, why not limeade?

1 bunch celery

1 apple (any kind, I used Gala)

1 lime (use half if you like it less tart)

1 cucumber (I left the peel on)

Juice all and savor. Serves 2.

How's that for a beautiful non-green chile New Mexico green??

Finish Line in Sight!

The countdown is upon me. The last measurement is this Saturday, Nov 20. When I was measured last Monday, Nov 8, I was down 4.2% total. I started at 24.5% and was 20.3% last week.

And then I went to Vegas.

Hopefully I did not kill all my chances of even placing in the competition, but we shall see on Saturday. I am now, since returning from Vegas, on a liquid diet, which included nuts and dates. Much different, I assure you, from the liquid diet of which I did partake in Vegas.

Just a few sheets to the wind the first night

Honestly, we really didn't eat many bad things for us. We just drank very bad things for us. Many bad things. Wine, martinis, wine. I am very proud to say that I walked myself on my own in 3 inch heels to our room, both nights. Okay, to our floor. It wasn't the consumption but the friggin' heels that were killing me.

My sweet husband took me to see Phantom and it was amazing. I remembered to wear shorter heels that night. We had a blast and now I am back on The Path. We'll see if I can undo some of the damage!!

Badass or bad form?

So incredulous was I on Monday at my 50 knees to elbows for time that I made my trainer come over to see if I was actually doing the exercise correctly. ta-da! I was not. Not even close to my elbows.

Thing is, I thought (and said ALOUD) k>e was the one thing in the gym I was sort of fast at doing. And...that's what I get for bragging.

I had a principal once tell me, "You're a better mother than you are a teacher," and not in a nice way. Maybe it's the same at the gym. Maybe I'm a better underdog than athlete. That's the beauty of a gym like mine. Even if you thought you might be great at one thing, that one thing can push you to the very limit of greatness and kick you right in the tookus. In my case, I wasn't even doing my "great thing" correctly, so I kind of crash-landed and made a crater with my tookus.

My husband has told me for the 6 months he's been at CrossFit, "Just go in there and give 110%. Don't look at the board, just do your thing." I really wish it was that easy. He can say all he wants about "healthy competition" and whisper behind my back (while I'm in the room) to my mother about how competitive I am, when HE'S the one with abdominal definition (after only 6 months), HE'S the one who has been beating all my times (after 2 weeks), and HE'S the one who doesn't hardly bat an eye with prescribed weight. Healthy competition my ass. I've been there 15 months and don't have one effing line in my stomach since, oh, yeah, I carried his three children in that general area. TWO AT A TIME, ONCE! Okay, I digress.

I understand that to become better at something you have to train and practice. Well, first you have to do the effing exercise CORRECTLY. And I'm trying to think of all the milestones I have made, but it doesn't help. It reminds me of the opening of SATC when SJP is walking the streets of NY, looking hot, when the bus with her advertisement drives by and splashes her with muddy water. Splat. And that's what ya get for braggin'. Even if it wasn't aloud.

At least it wasn't as bad as this guy.

3, 2, 1...Cook!

Yesterday some of my fellow CrossFitters and I attended a Paleo cooking class. It was great fun with all the gang. We learned some neat things, as well. Such as: sharpen your knives to better stab people who get in your way in the kitchen and how to perfectly chop an onion so it won't make you cry. *tear*

I also learned that I cannot dictate directions well, since I told my partner to NOT cook the chicken all the way through, that it would have more time with the sauce. Wrong. But it all worked out, everyone's dish finished at about the same time and I didn't poison anyone with salmonella. Go team.

Here is an amazing shot of my trainer in attire I never thought I'd see him in...

an apron!

And here's one of my super-cute cooking partner!

Our chicken dish is to the far left and she is standing in front of a squash gratin another group made. Everything was delish!

Of course, the ovens in the back helped. There's no way all of this would've been accomplished if not for the chef's commercial appliances. And her ENORMOUS kitchen! My favorite dish was the roasted seasonal vegetables. Cut them into same-sized pieces (squash, carrots, onions, bell pepper) and place them in a single layer on a sheet pan. Drizzle with evoo and toss to coat. Bake at 400° for 20min or so. Yum! The butternut squash was the best!

TRICK your brain and TREAT your mouth

Reese's cups are my favorite candy treat ever. Instead of making a side dish for the BBQ post-workout, I decided to make treats. Homemade almond butter cups. They were pretty good. I made 36 and came home with 10. Super easy. Use your mini-muffin pan and buy the cute mini-muffins cups.

Ingredients:

3/4 c coconut oil, divided

4 T agave nectar

3/4 c carob powder

1/3 c almond butter

8-10 dates, food processed until crumbs

Melt 1/2 c coconut oil with 2 T agave in microwave. Mix 1/2 c carob powder with melted oils. Pour equal amounts into muffin cups. Put in the refrigerator to set up, at least 2 hours.

Mix almond butter and processed dates together and divide equally on top of chocolate, about 1 tsp or so. Melt 1/4c oil and 2 T agave together in microwave. Add remaining amount (1/4c) carob powder to melted oils and pour scant amount on top of layers. Place back in refrigerator to set, about 1 hour. Consume in quiet, away from children and husband.

The Circle

"First, second, third, dead fuckin' last."

Yep, you read right. Yesterday's workout:

21-15-9

Shoulder Press 95/65

Push Press 95/65

Weighted sit-ups 35/25

This is the quote I should've remembered:

"Does your workout make you nervous? It should."

Shoulder Press is a weakness for me because I am nowhere near as strong in my upper body. I have lifted 65 before, so I really didn't think too much about it. I knew it would be hard, but not as hard as it happened to be. I think I did 6 in a row the first set and then it was one. at. a. time. 39 shoulder presses. ONE. AT. A. TIME.

During the 15 set I tried to drop weight because my workout mates were way ahead and I didn't think I could finish at 65 pounds. Nada. My badass sweet, loving trainer wouldn't let me. I was even spotted by a nice friend who I continually whined bitterly to thanked for his help. No dropped weight. I have never wanted to quit so badly in my entire time at CrossFit. I kept praying my husband wouldn't show up because I knew if I saw his face I would surely burst into frustrated tears.

It was horrible. I finally finished, completely relieved it was over. 31:05, almost double everyone else's time on the board.

Some of those people were behind me, literally and figuratively, to the end. I might have doubled their time, but they tripled their efforts to encourage me. In the end I realized I could not have finished without them. In a dark room, alone, I would've quit. How many people stand behind you for 15 minutes with praise to continue? Rilke wrote it best:

I can tell by the way the trees beat, after

so many dull days, on my worried windowpanes

that a storm is coming,

and I hear the far-off fields say things

I can't bear without a friend,

I can't love without a sister.

-from The Man Watching

Enter the Charlatan

When I began this Paleo journey I was terrified. I had been measuring and monitoring my meals with The Zone, which I loved. So many questions went through my mind: How will I lose anything without measuring my food? How will I not eat too much? What if I gain? What will I do without a “cheat day”?

I put a mountainous amount of pressure on myself for my Whole30. And I did not slip.

That said, yesterday was day 31. And I shared a bottle of wine with my hubby for dinner.

I can give a million excuses. My day was hard (it wasn’t), the kids were driving me crazy (they were, but they were playing nicely together), I was hormonal (when am I not?), I deserved a treat because of all my hard work those past 30 days.

WHAT?!?!

No good. That last statement is the one I am trying to cleanse myself of. Not to be wishy-washy, but I do waiver between thoughts.

Life’s too short.

My goal is myself at my best.

You only live once.

Stay on the path.

Everything in moderation...

I could go on and on and mentally make myself sick. Because even though I didn’t sway during my Whole30 and I feel fantastic, I still came in last during the workout on Tuesday night. My goal isn’t to be first, just to see some progress. Usually I am last and I’m used to that. One of my favorite quotes is:

“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”

Eating clean isn’t all about the food. I can make it about the food, but it’s about me. I can talk myself into any kind of treat imaginable but it won’t make me run faster or lift heavier. Of course, that’s the problem with emotions...what’s more appetizing at the moment: Not doing prescribed for the workout tomorrow or Cabernet with Paleo Chinese Meatballs now? Nevermind which is worse.

I’m not sure how to buy off my guilt for wanting that wine because I don’t feel guilt for drinking it. I feel guilt for wanting it.

The Path may not be as short or narrow as it seemed before. Physically I do not feel like I’m back at the beginning, but mentally, I’m not so sure.

I do know one thing.

If I cheat, I cheat only myself.

Day 30

Stats: 30 days ago I was 24.5% body fat. Today I am 21.3%. Just a smidge over 3% down. Nice. My goal is 18%. The challenge still has 4 more weeks. I can now eat regular Paleo, adding honey and agave nectar to things. I could, technically, have a slice of pizza and call it a cheat meal, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. This challenge is day to day. Today was a good day. I did melt and have two bites of a popcorn ball...but, what are you gonna do? It was in my hand. Oh well. Feeling good, can't do much better than that.

Loaded Lasagna

Years ago, we used to be pasta people. In Tennessee, before children, we ate out A LOT and I always ordered pasta. I love pasta. Love, love, love. Then we moved to Germany and the Italians there made pasta like I'd never had before, so much better than in the States! Again, we ate out all the time, and I usually ordered pasta. Pasta can't get much easier. You can meld so many different flavors together, so many different ways and create a new and flavorful dish every night of the week if you wish. Alas, my love of pasta kind of got sidetracked when I moved to NM and discovered green chile. I love green chile. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. So, we don't eat much pasta here and now with Paleo, not at all.

The production of so much almond cream cheese for my one coffee cake (last week) lead me to thoughts on what I could use the rest for. It wasn't really a cream cheese texture, more like ricotta. And then it came to me...LASAGNA. The mother of all pasta dishes, my favorite as a child, the one dish I can really make and everyone loves...I could recreate with Paleo using sliced zucchini for the noodles.

I am not so ambitious to make my own sausage, so I bought some all-natural, hand-made from the butcher. I (shhh!) did buy two cans of Hunt's diced tomatoes because the thought of boiling and peeling tomatoes today almost sent me over the edge and I would've had to eat the dozen mini cakes I purchased yesterday at Cake Fetish (another story). So, I set to baking, and all I can say is...YUM. Zucchini really does have the texture and consistency of a noodle and held up perfect for the layers. Even Shawn loved it, and that's amazing, since my concoctions are not his fav.

Paleo Lasagna

2 T evoo

1 leek, cleaned and chopped

4 garlic cloves, minced

2 (14 oz) cans diced tomatoes

1 T oregano

1 1/2 cups pre-made almond cream cheese*

2 T pre-made basil pesto

1 lb. hot Italian sausage

1 large zucchini, sliced in 1/8" pieces

Preheat oven to 350°. In medium saucepan, heat evoo over med-high heat. Add leeks and garlic and saute until translucent. Add diced tomatoes and bring to simmer. Cook sausage in separate skillet, breaking up into small pieces with spoon as it cooks, and until no longer pink. Add cooked sausage to sauce and turn on low while you make the next mixture.

To the 1 1/2 cups of cream cheese add the oregano and pre-made pesto. Mix well.

In a casserole dish (my was 6x9) put a small amount of sauce on the bottom. Next, layer 3-6 zucchini pieces, depending on fit. Spread about 1/3 cup of the cheese mixture on top of zucchini and then add 1/2c sauce. Layer zucchini, cheese and sauce, ending with sauce until the dish is full. Bake for 45 minutes and let rest for 5 min. before serving. Try not to moan and flutter eyelids while eating.

Day 20: BRING YOUR SWORD

For the past 19 days I have stayed true to strict Paleo. Even though I have ventured out of the house to visit others, it has only been for an hour or so, and I have planned accordingly with my own snacks or arriving full. Today, however, the true test was given because I went to two different parties. One was a child’s party with cake and ice cream and the other was a friend’s house with chicken enchiladas. First and foremost: I did not sway. The smell of the icing at the birthday party did make me salivate, but I didn’t even have a taste.

Fueled by confidence this evening, I called to see if my girlfriend would be offended if I brought my own gluten-free/dairy-free enchiladas and dessert. She was absolutely fine with it. Her support was so freeing I almost wept.

I can feel the negativity of others. I can feel their thoughts. It sounds totally corny, but I read my “Whole30” folder from my trainer before I went to the birthday party. There’s an entire section titled, “How to Beat the Skeptics”. I didn’t read it simply because I was going to politely turn down cake and ice cream. I read it as my mantra.

You know when people preface a sentence with, “I don’t want to sound mean”, or, “I mean this in the kindest way,” and my personal favorite, “I don’t understand why...”, you are in for a special treat on how they think you are crazy. It vexes me. It makes me terribly vexed. My body issues are MY OWN and I WANT to perform my best. I WANT to do as many burpees in 20 minutes as the woman who has a 7 week old infant. I DO NOT want people to consider me as the Blue Falcon in a team workout. Not only are many more things on my list, but the fact that I feel fantastic doesn’t even seem to cease these skeptics. As these statements have been made to me, I really have had to fight back tears...and ANGER. What I WANT to say is: I’ve already lost 4 pounds, 2 inches, and all the bloating that I had at bedtime. I no longer look 6 months pregnant when I go to bed. And then I want to scream, “CAN’T YOU SEE? AREN’T I, AS MYSELF, ENCOURAGEMENT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MAKE CHANGES FOR YOU, INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF ME?” But I don’t. I don’t scream, rant or quote Robb Wolf or Loren Cordain. I simply am.

I have thrown out the old food pyramid and learned that I can make a fabulous meal without feeling a hint of sacrifice. Yes, the smell of freshly baked bread makes my eyes water with mournful tears sometimes, then I remember all the trials my body had with grains. It’s a process and one I am willing to fight for. Instead of feeling like there are so many things I’ve given up, I am focusing on all the new things I’ve learned to love. Soon, hopefully, my body will learn that it’s not going to get carbs from grains anymore and will start eating the fat I want it to. That’s my focus.

My name is Angela Denise Cobb, commander of the foodies in this household, general of the weekly menus, loyal servant to good health. Mother to three innocents, wife to a meritorious sous chef, and I will change our lives, with this challenge. Now is the time, the gauntlet is down. Meet me at the box. Strength and honor.

The hell you say!

I knew I had to recreate the Cream Cheese Coffee Cake from the seminar as soon as I tasted it. Because, yes, it does, taste JUST LIKE CHEESECAKE. There is no cream cheese in it and it's strict Paleo, so I am proud. As I was tricking my brain I did feel a wee bit scared because it tastes soooo good, I thought I might be cheating without realizing it. Even my husband ate it. Hopefully not just to appease me, because I could've had two slices. The blanching of the almonds took awhile, about 20 minutes, to get all those little jackets off. Next time I'll just buy them {which I wasn't aware of before (dumbass alert!)} but it was worth every. single. bite. Also, the cream cheese recipe makes much more than you need, so realize you'll have to integrate it somewhere else, in another recipe.

Blueberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake adapted from Brianna Fackrell

2 1/4 c almonds

1 1/4 c dates

2/3 c coconut oil

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1/2 c coconut milk or almond milk

2 eggs, divided

1 tsp vanilla, divided

1 c almond cream cheese

3/4 c frozen berries

juice of one orange

Preheat oven to 350°. Grease springform pan with oil (I used coconut). In food processor grind almonds, dates and process until it has an even crumb. Add coconut oil and process. Take out 1 cup of the crumb mixture and reserve for topping. To the remaining crumb mixture add powder, soda, salt, 1/2 tsp vanilla, milk (I used coconut) and 1 egg. Mix until smooth. Pour into springform pan.

Next, mix the cream cheese with 1 egg, half the orange juice, and 1/2 tsp vanilla. Spread on top of the crumb mixture.

Simmer the berries in a saucepan with the remaining orange juice until they cook down, about 15 minutes. Spoon the berries on top of the cream cheese. Sprinkle the reserved 1 cup crumb mixture over the top. Bake for 50-60 minutes.

Almond Cream Cheese

2 c blanche almonds

2 Tbs unflavored gelatin

2 tsp salt

2 Tbs lemon juice

3 1/2 c boiling water*

Blend until creamy and smooth. Pour into a bowl and chill until set, preferably overnight.

*Be careful blending with boiling water. My water sat in the blender while I pulled all those teeny tiny jackets off the almonds and was still perfectly hot enough to work with, without giving me burn scars.