When I began this Paleo journey I was terrified. I had been measuring and monitoring my meals with The Zone, which I loved. So many questions went through my mind: How will I lose anything without measuring my food? How will I not eat too much? What if I gain? What will I do without a “cheat day”?
I put a mountainous amount of pressure on myself for my Whole30. And I did not slip.
That said, yesterday was day 31. And I shared a bottle of wine with my hubby for dinner.
I can give a million excuses. My day was hard (it wasn’t), the kids were driving me crazy (they were, but they were playing nicely together), I was hormonal (when am I not?), I deserved a treat because of all my hard work those past 30 days.
WHAT?!?!
No good. That last statement is the one I am trying to cleanse myself of. Not to be wishy-washy, but I do waiver between thoughts.
Life’s too short.
My goal is myself at my best.
You only live once.
Stay on the path.
Everything in moderation...
I could go on and on and mentally make myself sick. Because even though I didn’t sway during my Whole30 and I feel fantastic, I still came in last during the workout on Tuesday night. My goal isn’t to be first, just to see some progress. Usually I am last and I’m used to that. One of my favorite quotes is:
“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”
Eating clean isn’t all about the food. I can make it about the food, but it’s about me. I can talk myself into any kind of treat imaginable but it won’t make me run faster or lift heavier. Of course, that’s the problem with emotions...what’s more appetizing at the moment: Not doing prescribed for the workout tomorrow or Cabernet with Paleo Chinese Meatballs now? Nevermind which is worse.
I’m not sure how to buy off my guilt for wanting that wine because I don’t feel guilt for drinking it. I feel guilt for wanting it.
The Path may not be as short or narrow as it seemed before. Physically I do not feel like I’m back at the beginning, but mentally, I’m not so sure.
I do know one thing.
If I cheat, I cheat only myself.
Beautifully Said!
ReplyDeleteCurious:
How did you feel today? AFTER the wine?
I drank a diet coke yesterday... 1st aspartame and chemicals in 33 days. and today... after a month of avoiding all the illness passing through the family I work with, I feel AWFUL.
I don't feel bad today but I didn't feel too great last night. Shawn thought it was all mental, but I didn't necessarily feel guilty, or so I thought. Today I feel okay, though. maybe because it was a different kind of sugar?
ReplyDeleteOh good! You know, I don't think wine is really that far off... I'm sure our paleo ancestors had rotten grapes lying around... aspartame probably not ;)
ReplyDelete