The Truth Is Out There

On the eve of 2010 I had a fearful symmetry with a group I loved and released myself from said group. I didn’t know myself and had become a scary monster. To end game the ghost in the machine, I wrote. Feeling closure, the fire left me as did the bad blood. All the signs and wonders in the beginning of 2011 made me face the grotesque details of the past year.

void

where once a heartbeat joined and sure;

one breath off, insecure.

where is the drum, once so loud?

yonder yet, beyond the bounds;

Behold! the heart in the mist!

left by wolves to loneliness

can it sustain life on it’s own?

without ears, does it drum?

this one heart, who’s left to hear?

whisper, whisper-- thundering ears!

cloaked by sorrow, life remains,

who remarks with kindness feigned?

Wait! I am solid, I feel the throb!

it is MY heart, is it not?

shadows move, the mist is lifting!

I remain. apart and drifting

where once my heart did beat alone

in tune with all, a blessed stone

left aside to be heard by none

what once was known is now undone.

(Written in Sept, 2009)

I now feel no shadows when darkness falls or am sleepless with revelations. I am the pusher of myself. I have shed my demons and the unusual suspects. I have detoured into life, the red and the black, and come out from underneath young at heart. Life is irresistible and within the existence of all things there are millions of sunshine days. Be your own first person shooter. Find your zero sum. Be the drive. There is no void.